ok i tell myself i can learn this. i can learn it. i just off rocky start. well this blog diary thingy is confusing so i no gonna be to mad on self yet.
i must talk sense of some sort even if it bad sense i spose. or i will become the old lady with the purple purse, red lipstick n neon orange pants with a yellow shoe & other one green, with a stuffed cat i call bebe.
for someone who travel & seen so much variety in the world how i become such a recluse? how i went from max numbers in my cell phone to zero cell phone n see only one person 670hrs a mon th? what happen to my happy go lucky life? where did i hide it from myself.
vertigo in migraines are more prominent than birds songs now... i hate the va n their judgments. now what im going to do when next yr come my 5yrs medical over? they no let me work or go at colllege, what im going to do? as is i think the 500$ amonth va give me is sad, but now i will be homelss altogether.
why is the country so backwards?? they have so much housing program for the male soldiers yet they tell me i have be homeless in order them help me. i have soo many diagnosis but i cant defend myself cuz im dumb. I lucky i remember to eat, yet they with credentials no understand whatever they think us soldiers are tryin g to pull on them is 85% of the time their own imagination.
what they think i go party all time? that i want free mon ey? LMAO yah cuz i cant earn more money if i go work, n being stuck bouncing couches n never go in public is what i always wanted to grow up to be. im soo fked :/
so dear diary bloggy thingamig i gna try write my thts on u in hopes that i look here instead losing 20 million noteboooks n scraps of papier.
we have 6 moths get this sorted or i am headed to cardboard box city
1. i must learn to write proper, ok i can slide on some that grammar,but i must leanr sentence structure.
2. must leanr hide vertigo epsiodes better or everyone think drunk n will gedt fired. must blend better
3. must learn not to duck. is embarrassing & uncomfortable for all, n very important blend in work place be profesional.
4. learn to fckin type!
5. refresh languages
6. go outside
7. stop cussing liek old sailor! that has got to stop. control this anger. idk where it all came from but need leanr to get a better cope tool.
8. buy new shoes. cuz being cheap now gna be homelss if i fail better get shoes while i got some coins, these sneakers nto gna make it that much longer. u have them since 2007.
9. mmm have eat better get fatten up in case have to skip a few.
10. before the fall strat try go warm place, cant go back scottsdale, maybe can go warm place liek mmmm like yuma or tuscon, no1 know u ther en outside sleep be warmer n less blanket needs.. prepare for unexpectred!
11. throw leg brace away leanr no canes, cant be sitting duck out there!
12. uggg these fkin headaches leanr how get rid gotta be a better way.
13. find dog a good home, is not fair her get bad life cuz u a govt reject.
14. force self read at least one book a day... if throw up just keep bucket next u, this is ridiculous how dumb u become.
15.remind self keep chip up n head down! even if u no to feel optimistic, fake it good cuz others hate to be around depressing people. plus never knwo u forget so much maybe u forget that it an act n become normal again :P
16 stop thinking of great past life. this life now. deal with it.
***** when get discourage think of that man story of sit on porch making ice cream with fresh peaches from his tree***** Hard to beat this combination... yes he was soo right.***** is time come outside, broken n all. what u lack in brains n looks gna have make up for with the right attitude or might as well be dead. enough "just exist" live or make room for others.
